Words for the Journey

Bethesda Recovery

Four distinct instructions guide my journey of recovery.  They were given individually but have become a collective word of  encouragement.  God, Jesus, Holy Spirit the three in one Savior of my life, gave these words to me.  He revealed each instruction with simplicity, though I have made them complicated at time.  Sharing my instructions does not make them your instructions.  They may become your instructions. Only you can decide. 

1. Crawl---Jesus Loves Me this I know.  Learn the truth of Jesus' love.  This sounds like a children's song, and it is... It is the song of all the children of God.  It is the anthem of the secure, the praise song of the ages. No greater truth can encourage the heart than this..Jesus loves me...because the Bible tells me so.  No works, mentality gets me loved.  No perfect life gets me loved.  Only because the Bible, God's Holy word says so.  Learn to crawl with Jesus loves me.  God says to me "Rest in my lap daughter, love me as your father, because you are always welcome... I said so."

2.  Step---I am in covenant to keep you and your family.  What a promise but with it comes a step of faith.  The vision was clear.  A bridge with a slight hump.  Water running under the bridge.  I am on the bridge.  Suddenly, I notice there are no more blanks to complete the bridge.  "Step."   

But God, there is nothing to step onto. "As you put your foot down, the bridge will be completed." 

3. Leave---Your life is not your own, you were bought with a price.  What is wrong with me completing a good project?  Can't I just clean my room, prepare for my future.?  "Leave it, my daughter, for your life is not your own."  Haunting words that still fill my ears and my heart.  Leave what seems to be good for the best of what God wants for me and others. 

4. Come Closer---I will show you  my heart. My closer to God was once  a little girl dragging God by the hand to where I wanted to go.  Then it was by special invitation for an intimate relationship which I refused.  Now it is a summons to appear before the throne of God to be exposed to the Father's heart and have my mind and heart transformed over and over again.

I do not know if you can use my instructions, but what I know is that when I follow these instructions my life is forever changed.

The Problem with Keys

I hate locked doors.  Well, I feel better that I got that off my chest.  Locked doors need keys to open them.  Keys take time and work to get the door opened.  I hate locked doors.  Let me add I don't hate other people's locked doors, I respect them. I just hate having to lock my doors in my own home.

You might call me lazy.  I am good with that.  Although I myself, do not feel like I am a lazy person.  I work hard running a ministry and keeping things together at home. So laziness isn't why I hate locked doors.

I hate locks because it means I can't trust.  I want to trust the people I live with and the people I live around.  I also understand locked doors aren't for the criminal minded, but for the impulsive.  There's the problem.

Keys have to be my responsibility.  My responsibility to keep the impulsive, no boundary people out of my stuff.  Why do I have to have responsibility for someone else's impassivity or criminality? 

I can see this is a complaining blog, a vent blog.  

You may be asking why I have to lock my doors in my own home.  Well, I live in a ministry that I founded for women who have substance use issues.  Now, you are understanding. 

I expect the women who have been invited to live in the ministry to respect the boundaries of a closed door.  But, for whatever reason they don't.  Sure I understand locking the office where confidential files are.  Sure I get that.  But where is the home training for adult women?

I have been wondering how to help women with this boundary without the keys.  I will admit the boundary issue changes as the women learn the power of respect.  Once they get it that I am expecting the best out of them, they begin doing the best,  the best they know how.  With training this does change.  I have watched thieves be trusted with my very personal belongings after they know the deal about expectations. 

I do hate keys, but I love great expectations for the women I serve.  I expect them to change and they put forth a strong effort for that.  I expect them to be faithful, and to me they become faithful. 

So, expectations play an important part in the keys deal.  I as I expect them to respect my boundaries, they begin to respect my boundaries. 

All in all I guess keys do have a place in my world.  I just wish I could find them.  

I am forever changed.

,

New Perspective

January 2016 began a journey into the world of substance use counseling from a worldview perspective for me.  Since 1996 I had relied on the Holy Spirit in every way to guide and direct me through my ministry to women who had been trapped in what we call addiction.  My turn to the worldview was directed by the mystical forces God uses when He has something to show me and I am not too eager to see.

Just a little backstory: I was called to a ministry in a similar way as Abraham was called to leave his country and make a trip to Canaan.  He went without knowing where, or how, or even why.  He simply heard the call and started his journey. 

I have often said, “If I had known where and how God was leading, I might have stayed in my somewhat comfortable lifestyle of furniture and accessory sales.”  But I didn’t. I just followed.  The pathway then was obedience through practice.  The more I practiced the more I heard and was able to follow.  Sounds like it was overnight, but it was over twenty years.  The amazing thing is that God always directed how people would get help.

I was not easily accepted by the “world perspective on substance use counseling in the early days.” Methods like bold confrontation from a group of peers who were instructed to point out everything wrong with the person in the hot seat did not go over very well with me.  I refused to use this method.  Tear down to build up was another method I refused.

I started with the premise that “love never fails.”  Love, respect, personal involvement, and commitment all formed what I called the “Bethesda way.”

One client said she had no defense mechanism against love.  The flexibility of grace wore down the harsh self-centeredness that addiction had formed in her core.  Her iceberg of a heart was melted with appropriate love and respect.

Of course, I was misunderstood, rejected, and purposely shunned.  Yes, it hurt, but when I argued with God, He simply said, “will you let others change you from what I have made you to be?”   My answer was, “No.”

You can probably imagine the shock I felt when I received an email to take part in a training for state certification.  I was stunned by the email since I had not received an email from this company in over twelve years.  My heart leaped.  I wondered what is this?  Then I heard that still small voice say, “Do this.”

How crazy would this be, after twenty years of staunch refusal to amalgamate with the worldview that I would study in that venue.  Yet, I knew it was right.  And boy was it right.

Since that time, I have met some of the most amazing people from all walks of life who have a passion for helping others.  They may not wear the tag of Christian as the first part of their employment, but they wear the title in and on their hearts.  These amazing people work in a world of restraints.  Restraints from offering folks a truth about Jesus.  But nevertheless, they have somehow embodied the principles of the gospel into the work they do.  

Where once stern, harsh words powered the treatment field, now refreshing personal responsibility and personal encouragement are the norm.  The amazing truth is that when God wants to heal people, if the church won’t listen, He will give the truth to those who will.  Those who are listening happen to be out working for the good of others in a worldview perspective.

Three things that are refreshing in this worldview that mimic the healing power of Christ:

1.       Care.  Care about the individual and care for the individual.

2.       Respect.  Respect the individual and earn respect from the individual.

3.       Don’t give up on the individual no matter how long it takes.

Though the worldview does not give credit to Jesus for the “love and respect” it is giving to people who are getting healed, we, who recognize Jesus “out there” must join in the process of seeing folks healed through love.

Now I am a certified alcohol and drug counselor II which is state recognized, and I am a certified peer specialist in addiction. All this goes along with my board certification in pastoral counseling and my being a certified life coach from the Christian perspective.  Now I have joined the ranks of those “out there” and hopefully will be bringing more of the “out there’s”  to see it is the foundational principles that Jesus taught which lead to lasting healing. I am Forever changed.

What is ailing you?  Such an interesting phrase to be found in the Bible.  This question is raised in Genesis 21:17 to Hagar.  “What is ailing you” sounds like the Angel of the Lord does not know the answer.  After all, He is the one who spoke this to Hagar in the middle of her fear for Ishmael.  (Ishmael is her son.)  Could it be the angel of the Lord was asking a question of her faith?  Hagar was in such a place of fear and loss.  She was an obedient woman, a slave woman, bought by Abraham and Sarah to serve at their will.  Sarah had willed she be a surrogate mother and have a child fathered by Abraham to fulfill a promise made to them by God.  Hagar had obeyed her masters and found herself now in a desperate situation.  She and her son Ishmael were expelled from the master’s house and left to die in the wilderness.   Now the Angel of the lord was asking her what is ailing you?  Really? 

There seems to be another reason for the question.  In the next sentence he says, Fear not, God has heard and sees it all. (my interpretation).

God hears and sees it all in your life too.  The Psalmist said God bends down to hear.  He is bending down today to hear what you have to say and to ask, “What is ailing you?”  The creator of heaven and earth declares “Fear not.  I hear you.”  He is with you.  He is near you.  He is aware of the situation you are.  You can fear not and hold on to faith that he will redeem this situation you are in today.  You will be forever changed. 

Terry 

I rode in the car during the early morning hours on a trip Vidalia, not to pick sweet onions, as the city is known for, but to be with Terry during his eleventh heart cath. You have to be around the world of heart disease to get the language down to expressions such as heart cath, defib, afib, bypass, etc.  I can't explain them exactly, but I have a general knowledge because my husband, Terry, had a quadruple bypass in 2004.
In the car on this black morning, I tried to go back sleep. No such luck.  Terry was pale.  I asked him if I could drive but he said no.  I have learned no means no so I did not resist. But I somehow knew that he was sicker than what he eluded to.
Finally about twenty miles out he said, "Can you drive."
My heart skipped a beat for I know he always drives, no matter what.  We changed seats and I felt myself slip into such fear.  The kind of fear that turns positive thoughts and faith into a crumpled mass of what ifs.
It was during this time of year almost to the exact date that Terry's mother passed away from a heart attack.  His brother was driving her to the hospital but she just couldn't make it.  Shocked by the event the whole family has very little to say about it even after twenty two years.
All of the fear and dread of that night flooded my soul and I was reliving every moment of the ride to the hospital with his mother even though I wasn't on the original ride.
I do know what to do when fear grips me, so in my heart I began to sing.  It didn't seem to release my fear and I thought I would loose composure for sure until I heard Jesus say, "He's not going to die today."
Now I know what you must be thinking.  But I am not hearing voices in my head.  I head Jesus in my spirit.  I heard Him speak peace to my life in the midst of the fear. He soothed my pain in an instant.
Maybe you think this was a fluke and I was having a panic attack or anxiety about nothing.  The doctor said Terry had a blockage of the killing kind in the only artery that feeds his left side and right side of his heart.  (This sounds impossible, but it was the graphed artery from the bypass that goes around his heart from the left to the right.)
As I heard what the doctor said, I marveled at the compassion of God to intervene in my life and of course Terry's life.  Why would He speak those words to me?  I don't know.  I can't say, but I do know this I am forever changed...and so is Terry.

Success what does it look like?  As I have said before my skewed ideas about what success did not look like have gotten me in a quandary of confusion but I have begun to forma picture of true success in my mind  as I write this I am traveling from lake Mary Florida to Waycross ga. In the car with me is my husband of 26 years almost, my sister, and my niece.  We are returning home from my nieces ordination ceremony.
I was allowed to pray for her at the ceremony because I am her pastor.   In remarks before my prayer I told of how She had prayed for me when she was a child believing that Jesus could do something with me. She got her prayer answered  now I stood before her and prayed for her to be used mightily by God.
It occurred to me this is success.  Nobody is getting a big salary and neither one of us has been accepted in what my mother would have said was society but boy the feeling of accomplishment is huge in me.
Now don't get me wrong, I myself have not accomplished Joanie's ordination.   She did that. Why I didn't even make it to be a pastor alone because Joanie lead that through prayer.  But something so satisfying happened in me.
Surely I have not achieved moms definition of success nor have I accepted the success of my father, but oh how I feel this must be success on some level. And if it is I want more success.  
I think I am making a change in the direction of knowing what success is and receiving it with gratitude  I can be forever changed.
P.S.  Following the ordination, I was invited to spend the day with my oldest son and his family on Monday.  Being a grandmother has it's perks.
The day was filled with moments. There was the moment when John Harper changed vehicles from his maternal grandmother to ride in the vehicle with me because I have play dough at my house. There was the moment when Sadie allowed me to tickle her relentlessly for the first time.  She is two. There the moment when Callie leaned her head on my shoulder to get comfort because she had a headache.  There were moments on the dinosaur trail, riding the one ride I felt comfortable to ride, the moment with Randy (my 40 year old son) in the wading splash pool hiding from the intensity of the sun and the moments with Christy (my daughter in law) when I quipped at my simple mindedness. But the most precious of moments happened when we all both grandparents and family sat at the dinner table.  Randy asked John Harper age five, what was his favorite thing that happened all day.  After a few seconds of thoughtful consideration, John said, "my favorite was spending time with my family."
Does that spell success?  You bet it does.  I think I will continue on this discovery with you to find out all the areas of success that are available.  I will be forever changed by that moment.

Success what does it look like?  As I have said before my skewed ideas about what success did not look like have gotten me in a quandary of confusion but I have begun to forma picture of true success in my mind  as I write this I am traveling from lake Mary Florida to Waycross ga. In the car with me is my husband of 26 years almost, my sister, and my niece.  We are returning home from my nieces ordination ceremony.
I was allowed to pray for her at the ceremony because I am her pastor.   In remarks before my prayer I told of how She had prayed for me when she was a child believing that Jesus could do something with me. She got her prayer answered  now I stood before her and prayed for her to be used mightily by God.
It occurred to me this is success.  Nobody is getting a big salary and neither one of us has been accepted in what my mother would have said was society but boy the feeling of accomplishment is huge in me.
Now don't get me wrong, I myself have not accomplished Joanie's ordination.   She did that. Why I didn't even make it to be a pastor alone because Joanie lead that through prayer.  But something so satisfying happened in me.
Surely I have not achieved moms definition of success nor have I accepted the success of my father, but oh how I feel this must be success on some level. And if it is I want more success.  
I think I am making a change in the direction of knowing what success is and receiving it with gratitude  I can be forever changed.
P.S.  Following the ordination, I was invited to spend the day with my oldest son and his family on Monday.  Being a grandmother has it's perks.
The day was filled with moments. There was the moment when John Harper changed vehicles from his maternal grandmother to ride in the vehicle with me because I have play dough at my house. There was the moment when Sadie allowed me to tickle her relentlessly for the first time.  She is two. There the moment when Callie leaned her head on my shoulder to get comfort because she had a headache.  There were moments on the dinosaur trail, riding the one ride I felt comfortable to ride, the moment with Randy (my 40 year old son) in the wading splash pool hiding from the intensity of the sun and the moments with Christy (my daughter in law) when I quipped at my simple mindedness. But the most precious of moments happened when we all both grandparents and family sat at the dinner table.  Randy asked John Harper age five, what was his favorite thing that happened all day.  After a few seconds of thoughtful consideration, John said, "my favorite was spending time with my family."
Does that spell success?  You bet it does.  I think I will continue on this discovery with you to find out all the areas of success that are available.  I will be forever changed by that moment.