So what about change

Whoever said change was easy?  Nobody, that's right Nobody.  Change is hard.  But if there is no change there is no change.  Or as we say at Bethesda Recovery "if there ain't no change there ain't no change."
So much of the time we talk about making changes but don't follow through with the changed action. Or we start and stop; then we start and stop again. 
I am working on change these days.  I am hoping to change the way I see myself.  I want to see myself as successful.  But in order to do that I must change my mind about what success looks like.
I believe success is unattainable for me.  Isn't that insane.  I have a wonderful church, a thriving ministry, self published books, etc.  But somehow I have a mixed message that success is unattainable.
I am at this moment examining what my picture of success is.  Indulge me and perhaps I can hash this picture out and then I can change it.
When I was a girl my dad owned a business.  He worked hard, took care of the family and always seemed to have some money.  But mama said we were poor.  We didn't fit in the norm of successful people.  We didn't dress right, or talk right or act right.  My problem as a child was I didn't know how to correct what was wrong.
Therefore, everything my dad did was deemed unsuccessful to me.  I think I have a skewed picture of what success isn't.  I don't think I have a picture of success, only a picture of what success doesn't look like.  I have arrived at that picture. You know I own my own business, so to speak, I have a couple of dollars in my pocket.  How in the world can that be unsuccessful?  Oh, I belong to the family of misfits.  I belong to the family of people who don't dress right, aren't clean enough, aren't socially acceptable?
Just writing this out doesn't change a thing.  I realize I must take an action step to move from thinking and believing a lie about success.  But what can that be?
I believe I have a problem.  First stage of change.  I have identified that what the problem is.  I don't know what success is.  Now I will think about thinking about this problem and if the effort to change will be worth my time.  I want to be forever changed but am I willing to pay the price and do the work to change?  We will see as the next few weeks unfold.